Let’s cut to the chase: the COVID-19 pandemic has brought our society to a halt. Many of you have lost your jobs. Many of you are still working, but under increasingly stressful circumstances. Perhaps most tragically, many of you know someone who has been directly touched by this terrible virus.
For all of you, and surely many more, you are likely experiencing something that you may be unaccustomed to: depression.
I want to start off by explaining my position. I am someone who suffers from Persistent Depressive Disorder, meaning I spend a lot of my time in a state of depression. There is a constant struggle to keep myself motivated to do anything; exercise, work, clean…hell, even to just get out of bed every day. Wording it like that always feels like I’m not doing the condition justice. By feeling “unmotivated,” I mean I feel physically, mentally, and emotionally frozen a LOT of the time - and breaking out of that state feels impossible. Every time. Every. Time.
I, like many of you, have lost my jobs. I work in the entertainment industry, which is pretty hard to be optimistic about at this point in the pandemic. Now, I do not want to make assumptions about anybody’s mental health. Obviously, plenty of people in the world deal with depression on a consistent basis. But for those of you that DON’T, I want to offer my two cents and experiences on the topic. Thought cycles, emotions and sensations, behaviour patterns, and coping strategies (good and bad). I hope that somebody reads this letter, and can find comfort in knowing they aren’t alone. And perhaps even learn from my struggles.
Here we go…
Thought Cycles
I will list the classic questions and statements that are often running through my mind:
-What’s the point of my life?
-Why can’t I feel normal?
-Why am I such a loser?
-I’m sure (person’s name) is angry at me, because I didn’t do (insert “important” task).
-I don’t even care anymore.
Any of these quotes ringing a bell? Well, I have good news, and bad news. We’ll start with the bad. These thoughts are toxic to your mind, and will often keep looping. They are there to simply make you feel little and powerless.
Now, here’s the good news:
These thoughts can be interrupted, and reworded. You see, the longer you allow these thoughts to persist, the more habitual they become. In Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), one of the main goals is to identify these thoughts, and analyze how irrational they are. And I promise you: they ARE irrational. Once you identify what these thoughts are, write them down in a list. Now, on another page, make a new list to overwrite the old. Using the above questions, you may come up with something like this:
-What is something meaningful/helpful I could do today?
-I am normal, and this feeling WILL pass.
-I have value in this world.
-I don’t actually know what other people’s opinions are.
-Life is worth living.
Every time one of the negative thoughts runs through your head, say the positive version to yourself. Every time. Every. Time. The bad habits took a while to develop. It takes even longer to overwrite them with the good habits. Be persistent - it does help, I promise.
Emotions and Sensations
Here’s a common misconception: depression = sadness. This is not generally true. Yes, you can be sad when you’re depressed. But they are two separate things. Although everyone experiences depression differently, there are a few general commonalities that define the condition. Feeling “numb” or “foggy” in your brain. Lack of motivation. Loss of interest in hobbies and activities. Change in appetite. Memory difficulties. Isolating one’s self. These are all very typical symptoms. You do not necessarily need to tick every box on this list, and there is certainly a spectrum of severity for depression. But this list is a good starting point to figuring out if you are depressed.
For me, I check all these boxes. Some days are good. Some days aren’t. Some days are memorable. Some days feel like they didn’t even happen.
Then there is the biggest kick in the butt you can face: GUILT. Depression is riddled with it. Guilt for not getting enough accomplished. Guilt for isolating from friends and family. Guilt for adding stress to your loved ones. Guilt for not “using this time to do amazing things.” Just like with the thought cycles, this becomes a habitual feeling. You absolutely can interrupt this cycle with the same method listed above. But I have found that it also helps to talk to the people who you believe you’re affecting. More often than not, they will be reassuring, and make you realize that you don’t need to feel guilty. People are a lot more empathetic and understanding than you likely assume.
Behaviour Patterns
I know I keep coming back to the idea of “habits,” but it’s an important concept when it comes to your mental health. So it’s extremely helpful to start to dissect your unhealthy behaviour patterns, and come up with “alternate routines” to replace them. One of my most common “bad” behaviours is staying in bed until noon. My career consists of jobs that rarely start before 3:30pm, so I often find myself just staying in bed until the last possible minute. And in the current situation of being unemployed, without any real schedule, it often feels like there’s no point in leaving bed. I spend most of this time scrolling through social media on my phone, and aimlessly messaging friends that are online. I often feel desperate and needy during this part of my day. But I’m lucky to have the friends, family, and partner that I have, because they are all very supportive and understanding. At any rate, this behaviour leaves me feeling drained and exhausted when I finally roll out of bed. So much for all that sleep I just got!
The best strategy I have found to combat this is to think of WHY I am doing these things. I am staying in bed because I don’t have anything scheduled. So, think of something to do by 10AM every day. Literally anything. Just something that requires you to be out of your bed. I am also reaching out to friends and family because I don’t want to be alone. Instead of bombarding people with messages, perhaps I could schedule a video call with somebody the day before. Just as long as you pre-plan this….that really is the key here. You don’t want to be making these choices when you wake up. You want your morning to have a pre-planned schedule. You can apply this approach to any behaviour patterns. Figure out WHY you are doing them, and replace the method with a healthier one to achieve a similar result.
Coping Strategies (good and bad)
One term that people tend to throw around is “self-medication.” It’s become synonymous with using drugs and/or alcohol to “cope” with your mental health problems. It’s understandable why people reach for these things to cope. The effects are immediate, and feel good at the time. The problem is, they WILL make your depression worse over time, and you WILL need more and more of the substances to try to keep up. It’s an extremely dangerous road, and it doesn’t end well. To be clear, I am not referring to anti-depressants, or other prescribed treatments for mental health disorders. I am an advocate for anti-depressants, and they are a huge part of the therapy process for people with continuing depression. Here’s the question to ask yourself: WHY am I drinking/taking drugs? Is it to hide from my feelings? Is it simply a social thing? Be honest with yourself. If you are using these substances as a coping mechanism, please seek help. It’s a path you do not want to go down, and there are plenty of available resources to help with substance use problems. I'll include a few resources at the end of this article.
Now, here are my 4 most important GOOD coping strategies (and many of you won’t want to hear some of these).
1 - Keep a journal. Write down your thought patterns, behaviour patterns, and feelings. There is a powerful sense of control that comes from focusing your words onto the page or screen.
2 - Don’t forget to eat fruits and vegetables. I’m bad for this one. But when you start having a more balanced diet, it has a significant impact on your mood.
3 - Exercise. Dear lord, I don’t like it any better than you do. But the research is in. It helps more than most other things in this article. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy. Even a brisk, 20-minute walk 5 times a week. Just get your heart rate elevated. And do yourself a favour: go outside for this, if possible. The sun will help you to feel energized, literally and figuratively lifting the darkness from your day.
4 - Reach out to people. This can be your partner, your family, your friends, or even your colleagues (depending on your situation). People love you, and want to see you do well in life. You won’t always believe that, but it is 100% true.
Well, it turns out writing a blog post is also pretty cathartic. So maybe try that out, too? I hope this can help even just one person see the light at the end of the tunnel. Things will improve. This feeling WILL subside. You just need to trust the process, and talk about it.
With love,
Stephen
Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Call 1-800-273-8255
Kids Help Phone
Call 1-800-668-6868
Text 686868