The "Should" Trap

What a loaded word. “Should” may be one of the most self destructive terms you can use to describe your life. “I should have my dream job by now.” “I should have more money saved.” “I should be able to cope without help.” “I should be better at ______.”

Here's the problem with those types of statements: they only serve to make you feel terrible about yourself. You're making a comparison against what you assume to be the norm. Well, guess what. Your assumptions about the norm are most likely misinformed and inaccurate.

How many people in the world do you really think have their dream job? How many people even know what their dream job would be, for that matter! No matter how much money you have saved, you'll always think you would be better off with more. Humans need other humans to help us through life. And no matter how good you are at something, you will always have room to improve.

We live our lives bombarded with the perfect snippets of people's lives. Social media makes us believe that everybody is doing better than us, and that we “should” be like them. Nobody posts the worst parts of their life on their FaceBook story. And if they do, it takes courage, and it's surrounded by everyone else's perfect snippets.

So how do we combat this feeling of inadequacy? Well here are 3 tips to try.

Social Media Break

This one is the most obvious. The less you see of this stuff, the less it will affect you. Try removing all social media apps from your phone, and putting them on hiatus. You'll likely notice how addicted you've been to these apps, as your thumbs instinctively scroll to where the apps used to be. It's a weird, enlightening experience.

Fill In The Blanks

When you see a perfect picture of someone's meal, workout, vacation, etc, try to imagine what the scene really looks like. If they are posting it, that means it's a special moment – not the norm. They may be happy in that moment, but you have no idea what is happening before and after that time. Heck, you don't even know if they are happy in the picture! People tend to only post the best-looking versions of themselves, and it's generally not a realistic look into their lives.

Should Replacement

Whenever you catch yourself saying “I should”, try consciously replacing the sentence with an “It would be nice if” statement. For example, “I should live in a better house.” can become “It would be nice if I lived in a better house.” The wording change may seem subtle, but the emotional context it creates is miles away from the original. It becomes more of a dream, instead of a self-criticism. Replacement statements like these may not feel important in each individual moment. But over time, their accumulated force is quite powerful for your well being.

Well, there you go! I hope you can start removing “should” from your vocabulary. We can all benefit from it.

Take care,

Stephen