“To be yourself is all that you can do.” - Chris Cornell
They say that managing mental health involves 3 key components: medication, therapy, and lifestyle. I feel as though I've covered a lot of lifestyle concepts in previous posts, so today I will tackle therapy. What is it? Why does it have a stigma? What happens in it? How does it help?
For a lot of people who have not attended a therapy session before, the idea of going to it may invoke a classic image. Perhaps you think of someone sitting, writing on a clipboard, while you lay down on a couch, answering the question “And how does that make you feel?”
I can tell you that this is NOT what therapy has been like for me. I have been going to see therapists on and off for the past 4 years. Before I first went, the idea of therapy really turned me off. It made me think that I must be “broken” if I need therapy. Well, by this logic, everybody in the world must be broken. Because everyone can benefit from therapy to some degree!
Now, I can only speak to the types of therapies that I have experienced. There are MANY styles and types of therapy, tailored to each individual's mental health. So for the purposes of this post, I will be focusing mainly on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy. Let's start with the latter.
Contrary to its name, IFS isn't specifically referring to your family relationships. Instead, it's a study of the different layers of your personality, and grouping different parts together like families. This is the type of therapy I am currently undergoing.
The main principle of any therapy is to learn to identify habits or parts of your personality, and rewire the reactions that take place in your brain. IFS does this by grouping your reactions and personality traits into 4 layers: managers, firefighters, exiles, and your true-self. Then you make connections to trace yet manager and firefighter to an exile that it protects. Picture the 4 layers like an onion. Your true self is the core. You're trying to discover what this really is. The next layer is your exiles; the personality traits and self-assumptions that you don't let anybody see. One of my exiles, as an example, is that I'm a loser. My rational self knows this isn't true. But that gut feeling runs very deep. The firefighters are your emergency reactions – things that happen automatically, like hiding from your friends or biting your fingernails. These can be mild or extreme. Lastly, the managers are higher-level concepts that protect you in a big-picture sense. Fake confidence is one of mine, for example.
So, does the therapist just sit there and ask how that makes you feel? Absolutely not. I mean, the question occasionally creeps up in a non-cliche type of way. The therapist is there to prompt and guide you while you navigate your way through this maze. They are also there to consolidate your ramblings into easy, bite-sized concepts. As well, they help take your reactions to specific situations, and show you how they are actually reactions to broader themes in your life. And finally, they are there to make you feel safe speaking about your emotions. My therapist is particularly great at this.
Ok, that's enough of IFS. What about CBT? Well, in this style of therapy, you analyze your thoughts, emotions, and reactions to life events. Then you try to find new, healthy reactions to take over for the older, unhealthy ones. I did this therapy exclusively until a couple months ago. It really trains your brain to notice its patterns, which is a HUGE help in managing mental health. This is a type of therapy that literally anybody could benefit from, as it brings awareness to your habits and lifestyle.
The bottom line is, you can't change something that you're unaware of. Bringing focused attention to your habits, personality traits, and reactions can help to fine-tune and balance your life. I can firmly say that I'd be lost if not for my therapist. She has been such a powerful force in enabling my healing. If you find yourself stuck in negative thought patterns, I would highly recommend giving therapy an honest try. And don't stop at one session. Generally speaking, it takes about 3 sessions for you to start to really open up. It's like getting comfortable with a new friend – you won't want to tell them your darkest thoughts on day 1.
Be mindful of yourself. Break the stigma, and be well.
With love,
Stephen